It’s a simple little phrase, but the thing that describes how pain or loss feels: heavy heart. That’s if you are lucky to feel, because sometimes the pain is too much and your body takes over and shuts it down. And then you’re numb. You feel nothing, let alone your heart-space. So, if you are lucky enough to feel, it’s a physical thing, not really a metaphor. It’s like something of heft is … [Read more...]
You Can Lead a Horse to Wine (and She Will Drink)
January 21, 2013 By
Clif is lean, handsome, and lovely: my dear chap. He has put up with my uncensored crap for nearly 17 years. And we do a good job of getting together regularly and keeping in touch. In fact, I probably wouldn’t be writing this, if not for Clif blowing all kinds of smoke up my self-esteem. He encourages me to put all of my wacky stories to the page. He says that the stuff that happens to me … [Read more...]
House Spider Giganticus Will Eat You
January 9, 2013 By
Kate goes to bed at a decent hour because she has to get up at an unholy hour. Not me. I usually drag up later once I’m filled up on my fancy pants tv shows. And let me tell you that I cannot get my fill of homosexual vampires, fairies, and demons lurking in the great Southern bayou. But my show wrapped in a profusion of violence and people being drained of their lifeblood and I figured it … [Read more...]
Dear Foxy Representative: A Letter of Complaint
January 6, 2013 By
Dear Foxy Representative, I am not one to write an angry letter to a business or company, but this incident really demanded that something be said. My family was suffering from a cold, so I thought that the perfect remedy was some homemade chicken soup with wholesome organic ingredients. I went to my local Kroger and gathered up the chicken, carrots, herbs, spinach, and of course your Foxy … [Read more...]
Yodeling Pickle: A Gift That is NOT Kermit’s Penis
January 5, 2013 By
You know how the Universe throws shit at you? Yeah you do. Like, you’re going along and minding your Ps and Qs and then BAM! Something happens that renders you into a quivering pile of cytoplasm. Or maybe it was some fabulous thing like falling smack dab in love. Or getting a tasty work promotion or adopting a new adorable kitten and finding that kitten likes to sleep wrapped around … [Read more...]
Rooster & The Beag
January 4, 2013 By
The tennis match was fun, but I was looking forward to my meatloaf during the entire last set. Apparently, I was not the only one. Walter “Roo-Roo” Rooster was waiting to see where I’d land. Rylee The Beag hedged her bets and was camped out on the end of the couch. Note in first photo they feign to check out the room at large. Heads turned. Like, “Hey, what a co-inky-dink that we are … [Read more...]
